Long Distance Jayhawk


I’ll be honest, I barely played basketball.  In elementary and part of middle school, I played, sure, but that was during the “everyone gets to play and when we’re done we get ice cream, win or lose!” period.  Of course, I was the one kid who ended up not getting floor time once.  In a fucking scrimmage, no less.  Coach kept saying “You’re going in.”  Never happened.

Despite being a bench warmer, my love of the game never diminished.  My favorite memories growing up were watching the Dean Smith coached Tar Heels on Saturday nights with my parents (both were UNC alums and made the fatal mistake of moving me to the mid-fucking -west).  When college rolled around, I decided to flip my parents the bird (rebellious dickhead I was) and went to Kansas, throwing my whole self into Jayhawk basketball.  I seemed to have made the right call, since Roy Williams led God’s Team to the National Championship that year…then we lost to Melo and Syracuse.  Which sucked, but not nearly as much as when Benedict Williams said, and I fucking quote, “I don’t give a damn about Carolina” before accepting the vaccancy left by Matt Doherty and ripping my already raw heart out.  Fuck him (now that I think about it that’s probably karma for spurning UNC in favor of KU).

Eight years later, my enthusiasm has yet to diminish (some might make the case that I’m more into this shit than I was at school).  Of course, I moved to Brooklyn.  Because I’m a self-loathing hipster.  My living sitch has put a huge distance between my love and me (get it?  Long Distance Jayhawk).  Anyway, I hope to capture the experience of my love of the team, with a hefty does of sports hate and sarcasm.  That’s the goal anyway.

The secondary goals of this site are:

  1. Get Boulevard Brewery to sponsor my site (though I’m also cool with Mulholland’s doing the same)
  2. Meet Bill Self
  3. Get on the B.S. Report with Bill Simmons
  4. Get a shout out from Pat Forde in Forde Minutes

If you, or someone you know can make any of the above happen, hit me up at the link to the left.  I will marry your sister, even if she looks like fucking Susan Boyle or something.

Other people who help me out

Meredith – did the banner up top.  If there’s any crude photoshopping (as of me typing this, there hasn’t been any, but I could see where that might change in the future), it was probably her doing.  So, if you see her around tell her she’s awesome.  Though she is a Jew from New York, so maybe you should just leave her alone (they can be some nasty motherfuckers if you cross them).

Brett (or “The Barge”) – drummer for my college band and good friend.  I’m not entirely sure what he’s doing with his life right now, but he rules.  I’d say he’s the second most knowledgable person on KU basketball (after me, natch).  Since I started this blog, he’s become a fanboy of me and started pitching ideas.  Some of them are too good to pass up (especially his angle on Tyrel Reed, which I can’t talk about yet, since it hasn’t run), so look for some contributions from him in the future.

Justin – Go to guy for questions like “Remember when we were watching that game at Mulholland’s and we were playing a rival.  K-State, Missouri, I can’t remember.  Anyway, Morningstar jacked up that three like Hayward did, only Lucifer’s went in.  You jumped up, screamed ‘That’s what I’m talking about!’ and drummed on one of the tables.  Was that Mizzou or Sexual Frustration?  I need it for my Brady piece.  If it helps we were sitting in the leather chairs by the fireplace.”  Naturally, he knew that it was Missouri at Allen on January 25, 2010.  He has an adult job in a serious profession, so I’ll refrain from putting his last name out there.  Being associated with me might be detrimental to his career.


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