Long Distance Jayhawk


God’s Team 2010-11

Brady Morningstar

Source: kuathletics.comPosition: Guard
Class: Senior
Hometown: Lawrence, represent
Nicknames: Lucifer
Number: 12
Tattoos: None that I can see

Pros: Shoots a lot of threes, especially in the clutch; leaves fire and brimstone in his wake
Cons: Anti-sobriety platform; sometimes scorches teammates

Brady Morningstar is the son of Satan.  Seriously.  I have seen this man do some cold blooded shit, which lead me to start refering to him as Lucifer (also, Bible scholars should get the joke).  He cold heartedly drains threes on the wing like it wasn’t anything more than a game (I know, it is).  Along with Tyrel Reed, he’s been nothing but a little bit of that Thin White Duke (get it, aBowie and Blue Devil reference) the last couple of years.  Whenever he gets in the game, you know that there will be at least five three point attempts on a drive-kickout pattern.  It’s just the way he works his magic.  The other thing that’s incredible about him is that he will probably drain four of those five in rapid succession.  That’s just what Lucifer does.  I’m waiting for him to stop at center court, let fire erupt out of the court in the shape of a Jayhawk and shoot a 15 point shot.  It’s going to happen one of these days (technically, he did hit a 3-pointer from half court last year during the Missouri game to effectively ice the thing right before the half, but there was no fire and the refs didn’t seem to think that it was worth the 15 points it should have been).

Really, though, Brady is a one trick pony when it comes to basketball.  He’s white and he shoots threes pretty accurately.  It’s a skill that Coach K would love, but he’s a Kansas boy through and through.  Two random, non-basketball stories about him.  The first is that he entered last season willing to give up his scholarship, become a walk on and pay his tuition if it meant that Kansas would get another ESPN Top 100 player.  That’s selfless in the most impressive way (of course, his dad is a former Jayhawk Roger Morningstar who works for KU and has been implicated in the ticketing scandal that forced Lou “The Ghoul” Perkins out as our AD).  The other story involves the fact that, right before the season started last year, Brady was pulled over for suspicion of drunk driving.  He ended up blowing beyond the legal limit, admitted his mistakes, and then sat out the first half of the season.  He acted with class, just as he did with the scholarship thing.  Of course, I still don’t know why he was driving his own car when he could have just as easily found a jersey-chaser to drive him home.  Either way, he’s a class act.

The only other thing I can think to mention about him is that he’s gotten more confidence this season.  In all the previous seasons, he wore a t-shirt under his jersey.  So far, he’s been showing off those blinding white arms.  Will he turn back to the tee?  Only time will tell.

Hail, Lucifer.

Marcus Morris

source: kuathletics.comPosition: Forward
Class: Junior
Hometown: Funky Philly, natch
Nicknames: MC Double-Deuce (I just made that up, but I like it)
Number: 22
Tattoos: Tons, the best is one of him and his brother being badasses

Pros: undeniable leader of the 2010 Jayhawks; hates fucking weak D like he hates his brother’s burrito addiction
Cons: seems a little…uh…out of it…sometimes…

Marcus Morris joined the Jayhawks along with his twin brother Markieff (after committing and de-committing twice to Memphis, which was Marcus’ idea since, you know, he knows Coach Calipari is nothing but a fucking dirt-ball that’s about a year from pulling a Pitno with a waitress at an Italian restaurant (seriously, there is very little left that Cal hasn’t set on fucking fire)).  They decided to attend KU from the hell that is Philadelphia (Always Sunny, not withstanding).  Both of them seem to be pretty well adjusted individuals, full of life, hilarity and other qualities that you would want in a guy playing for your team.  They bring a whole lot of energy to the program.  Of course, that kind of energy isn’t always the best.  Case in point: they showed up to KU, moved into Jayhawker Towers (which is the older kid dorm that still won’t let you keep a six pack in the fridge since KU is a DRY CAMPUS) and promptly shot a pellet gun out the window.  While that’s not the worst thing in the world, they did manage to hit a woman who was in the parking lot.  The police got involved and the brothers were issued tickets for $100.  What a way to start your career.  At least they weren’t breaking the jaw of their girlfriends (LaceDarius, I’m looking in your direction).

During their first season at KU, the brothers were a little too quiet, despite target practice and all.  They both played solid minutes, but didn’t do too  much that I could see that made them interesting.  In fact, the only thing I really remember about their Freshman season was that Marcus was clearly a better player and they had the exact same tattoos.  That’s pretty much it.  I was delighted when, the following season, Marcus blossomed into a real player.  He was big, muscular and ready to crash the lane.  He ended up getting some kind of most improved player award (or maybe that was just an imaginary thing handed out by Coach Self’s Toupee).  In fact, just this last week, Self said that Marcus was the best all-around player that he had every coached (I spent a good chunk of my day yesterday watching highlight videos on YouTube of various Jayhawks trying to find someone who did more, but sadly most of the videos were just footage of guys making layups after slashing into the lane (side note: I found an incredible montage of alley oops by the Jayhawks and I got a little nostalgic for the Keith Langford days…I remember seeing a game where he crashed the fucking lane going 90mph and hit three or four opposing players before going parallel to the ground.  He made the bucket and one.  That video shows the 2004 team, which kind of blew up because of selfish play and disgruntled players who thought they were going to be playing for Benedict Williams)).

Now, entering his Junior season, Marcus is the de facto captain of the team.  I’m not entirely sure how I feel about him being the leader of the Jayhawks.  Collins had the demeanor of a general with a chip on his shoulder (and two kids by the age of 21).  Marcus is kind of like that older cousin you had growing up that was always having a good time and showing you porno mags when your mom wasn’t around.  Of course, when you got older, you realized that he was probably just high most of the time.  Does that sound like the person you want leading your team, night after night?  Can I trust Marcus to keep the team focused and make a deep run in the tournament?  Only time will tell.  Personally, I love the guy and feel he’s a kind Brandon Rush type, attitude and chemistrywise (though certainly possessing more skills than “jacking up a three on a kick out regardless of whether I’m fucking on tonight or not”).  Between him, his brother, Taylor, Morningstar and Reed (still holding my judgement on Selby until I see him actually play), 2010 might have that best buds chemistry that drove 2007-08 to a National Championship.  Not saying that I think we can win it all, just saying that I like to watch these guys play.  They look like they’re having fun (compare to last year, where Collins looked like he wanted to fucking murder everyone on both his team and the opposing team most of the time and Aldrich…well, let’s just say there’s not much going on up there that doesn’t involve the words block, dunk or rebound).

Markieff Morris

source: kuathletics.comPosition: Center (uh, yeah, I know)
Class: Junior
Hometown: West Philadelphia, born and raised
Nicknames: Burrito Killa
Number: 21
Tattoos: The exact same as his brother.

Pros: at this early juncture, could notch quite a few double-doubles; loves Chipotle
Cons: at this early juncture, could surpass Marcus; loves Chipotle

So, Markieff Morris looks just like his twin brother Marcus.  If you didn’t read my Marcus post, do yourself a favor and check it out with the link above.  All the pellet gun shit went down with Markieff as well.  They play similar styles of basketball, though Markieff is much less disciplined than his brother and came mostly off the bench last year.  He’s listed on the roster as being bigger than Marcus, which I’m pretty sure comes from eating more Chipotle than Marcus.  I like to think of Markieff as something of a Jeff Graves type (quick tangent: greatest Gravey Boat moment came when he was too slow to get back on D and lucked into a fast break pass at the top of the arch.  He took about two monstrous dribbles towards the basket, eyed the fucker with intensity, lept into the air and slammed the ball home…except that it hit the back of the rim with a pop like safety glass exploding and launched the ball all the way to the other side of the court, where the dumbfounded opposing PG grabbed the ball and quickly laid it in the hoop.  That pretty much typifies Graves’ career at KU).  Anyway, Markieff is much more of a center than his brother.

The best thing about Markieff, hands down, is that he and Marcus have the same tattoos.  In case you’re blind (and a sexy computer voice is reading this to you), they’re twins and HAVE THE SAME FUCKING TATTOOS!  It’s brilliant.  I don’t have any proof that this has ever happened, but I imagine that they fuck around with the team all the time by putting on each others’ practice clothes.  You seriously can only tell them apart because they have different numbers on their jerseys.  So, what does this have to do with anything?  I’m secretly hoping that Marcus fouls out in an important game.  Coach Toupee subs Markieff in, with a quick counsel before he takes the court.  What Self tells Markieff is that he must fake an injury.  Twenty seconds later, Markieff is splayed out on the floor, holding his knee.  The trainers, in on the ploy, run out and go through the motions.  After ten seconds or so, we cut to a commercial break.

When we return from the break, we see shots of Markieff limping to the locker room, his concerned brother right behind him.  After a few minutes, we see both Morris twins coming back to the sideline.  Marcus sits down, since he’s no longer elligble to play.  Meanwhile, Markieff stretches his leg out a bit.  After some dramatic tension, Markieff re-enters the game.  Only Marcus is wear Markieff’s jersey!  BAM!  Markieff gets a stat boost for one game and we never lose Marcus.  It’s a perfect plan*.

* – It bears mentioning that I wrote this profile before the season started (I planned on posting all the player profiles as a lead up to the season, but my personal life had a few, uh, hiccups.  I based almost all of my digs at Markieff on the fact that he was the out of shape version of his brother.  So far, dude’s been playing out of his motherfucking mind, though I still think that it has something to do with toupee holding Chipotle burritos hostage on the sideline.

Tyrel Reed

source: kuathletics.comPosition: Guard
Class: Senior
Hometown: Burlington Coat Factory, KS
Nicknames: D. J. Conner
Number: 14
Tattoos: None.  Why don’t more white players have ink?

Pros: absolutely reliable, especially on kick out threes
Cons: penchant for reliabilty leads to disappearing sometimes; blends in with his home jersey

When I saw Tyrel Reed’s name for the first time, I thought “Sweet, another black guard” and kept thinking that until I saw Reed play.  Reed is white, painfully so.  Like you need goddamned sunglasses to look at him white.  Which makes it easy to confuse Reed and Morningstar.  So, here’s how to tell them apart: Morningstar is the guy leaving a trail of brimstone and damnation up and down the court; Reed looks a lot like D. J. Conner from the hit (but not with me, being an entitled piece of shit white kid and all) television show Roseanne. Just look for the wide ears that look like they could double as wings and the mop of bed head.  That’s Tyrel Reed.  Whatever you do, don’t confuse him with Mario (not so) Little (ears).

I thought about writing a whole bunch of other shit about D. J. (basically, I was going to premise my profile on the fact that Tyrel actually is D. J. and use plot points from Roseanne to make up a narrative of his life, but that seemed like too much fucking work).  Instead, here’s an email from my buddy Brett discussing what makes Reed a ston cold motherfucker (trust me, it’s better than my half-assed Roseanne shit).  Enjoy!

Senior DJ Conner Tyrell Reed is chiseled from granite.  When Tyrell visited Iraq back in the early 00’s the sightings of his arms gave way to rumors of weapons of mass destruction. (Editor’s note:  Brett had a shitty transition here…it has been excised and now you have, hopefully, been distracted and forgotten all about it). And look where we are now…Plus Dj/Tyrell is smart, so smart that the high and mighty Cardinal of Stanford was all hot and bothered trying to recruit this genius of the hardwood (only 3.5 years to complete one major, one minor, and one internship, shit, it took me 5 years to walk away with one degree, one minor case of endocarditis, and one friendship bracelet.)  K-State and Mizzou tried to get their paws over Tyrell, but picking KU over K-State and MU is like going home with the hotty, instead of hooking up with the one-legged tranny with a meth habit and four teeth.  What normal red-blooded ‘Merican male wouldn’t want to suit up for God and Country and represent the reason the earth was invented.  The following sentence is a ground breaking estimated-factual truth, you might need to sit down if you are old, or have heart problems: about five million years ago the earth was created for the sole reason that one day chimpanzees (Editor’s note: the most important of these chimpanzees was James Naismith, inventor of basketball) would figure out how to turn the remnants of dinosaur carcasses into spherical objects, some of the chosen few would suit up for Kansas, all others would be deemed as lesser species.  (Excluding Kansas fans, because someone has to sit and scream at TV’s when Pony trots up the court and half asses jump hooks from dunk range)

But that is irrelevant as to why Coach Self recruited this guy.  Logically his brain power helps to offset some of the other lower GPAs, and his uncanny ability to knock down threes and defend help add to his cache, but there is only one reason why DJ/Tyrell was recruited: his unfuckingbelievably hot sister.   He may be the only D-I baller with a positive ratio of 3’s rained to television cameos made by his sister.  She is the Ashley Judd of Kansas, only with an actual reason to be hardcore for the hardwood.  She is seriously hot.  Reed-iculously fucking hot (Editor’s note: that was kind of cheesy, but I’m getting lazy, so…). What D-I coach wouldn’t want to bring in a player for the sole reason to get to scope some eye candy celebrating when her brother buries yet another three point shot? Not one I want coaching for my team…

I should also highlight the physics that allowed DJ/Tyrell ‘s ability to lock down Denis (denny) Clemente last year. His ear lobe size in proportion to head size is such that it creates a reverse Bernoulli Effect that made it impossible for Denis to penetrate past Tyrell.  The faster that Denis/nny tried to run the further he got sucked into the air void created from Tyrell’s ears.  You can’t teach that shit, pure defense talent main-lined from god.

After three seasons sporting the Crimson and the Blue, he has also racked up some highlights including mop up minutes in the “Redemption of Roy Williams” slaughterfest, a championship ring, a fist full of conference-championship rings, and a slew of academic all Big 12 awards. But most importantly, the second coming of Chuck Norris has a hot sister.  Like middle of Death Valley in August hot, like center of the sun hot, like watching Mario Chalmers crush Calipari’s dreams hot…

So, there you have it.  Brett is in love with this girl.  I for one…well, I just don’t see the attraction.  Maybe she’s not my type. Different strokes I suppose.

Josh Selby

Position: Guard
Class: Freshman (true)
Hometown: Charm City, MD*
Nicknames: ?
Number: 32
Tattoos: He’s been wearing street clothes so long, I have no idea

Pros: unknown (though he’s rated #1 at ESPN)
Cons: unknown (though he hasn’t played because of NCAA shit)

Josh Selby is from Charm City.  Carmelo Anthony (god, I hate you Melo**…actually, I hate Dicknocker McNamara more, but I can’t remember his first name, so Anthony gets my hatred) has an agent who knows Selby’s mother and blah blah fucking blah.  Listen, we have one of the best players in the country (and most likely one and done) and he couldn’t play because of a tenuous relationship to Carmelo’s fucking agent.  Let me stress this again…he couldn’t play because he’s from Baltimore (a hellish place) and knows Melo’s agent.  That’s it.  Well, not entirely it.  I guess the agent in quetsion bought a bag full of clothes for Selby.  I don’t know.  It just seems so tenuous to penalize this kid for what happened (I mean, they decided that he would have to pay about $5k to the charity of his choice for a bottle of Cristal and a t-shirt that Selby got from the agent).  It isn’t like Reggie Bush‘s family getting a goddmaned house in Los Angeles for him to play at USC.  Next to Kyrie “My toe blew out and I will be backing up Doc Rivers‘ son next year” Irving, Selby is the most important kid in the college basketball landscape…and he’s getting kicked in the balls for taking a couple of polo shirts.  The NCAA should be taking on headier issues, honestly (like the kind that SMU was all about like white on rice back in the 1980s).

Anyway, I don’t know much about him.  He’s from Baltimore, he’s supposedly a number one guard (which is hilarious when you look at our roster and realize that we have eleven guards, give or take three) and he looks like a nice guy (which is saying a lot since he’s from the mean streets of Baltimore).  That’s why I’ve decided to call him “?.”  Last season, we had Xavier Henry, which lent itself well to a crossed arm “X” sign.  Whenever he gets to play, I suggest that Jayhawk faithful start doing a weird body contortion to try and mimic a question mark.  I mean, it won’t make any sense to anyone really, but do it.  It will be fucking hilarious.  Don’t believe me?  Find the closest mirror and watch yourself trying to do it.  I did just now and I pissed my pants laughing.

*- Has anyone reading this ever been to Baltimore?  Charm City sounds like a viking trap to me, since it’s an insane place.  I figured that Homicide: Life on the Streets made up their take on Baltimore (the way most TV shows make NY into this amalgam of Detroit and the seventh circle of Hell), but no…it’s just as bad as it is on TV.  Shit, they don’t even let docents hang out at Edgar Allan Poe’s house because the ‘hood is way to fucking dangerous.

** – This is a touch untrue.  After about eight years of reflection, I’ve buried the hatchet with Carmelo.  I mean, I blamed him for the 2003 National Chamiponship loss.  Of course, McNamara hitting every goddamned three he took was what really killed us that year.  Also, like Coach K, I grew to love him during the gold medal run in the 2008 Olympics, so I don’t seethe whenever I see his name anymore.  Schuyler, on the other hand, still hates him.

Tyshawn Taylor

Position: Guard
Class: Junior
Hometown: Hoboken…ugh…Jersey
Nicknames: Fisticuffs
Number: 10
Tattoos: For a long time, I was convinced dude had no tattoos.  Then, I met him and realized that he’s just so dark that it only looks that way on TV

Pros: learned PG as Sherron’s understudy; wears a shooter’s sleeve
Cons: hot headed; fought the football team; asked to be transfered on Facebook

Tyshawn Taylor was an enigma to me for a long time.  I thought, since he was backing up Sherron on the dominant (say UNI and I will punch you) 2009-10 team, he didn’t have what it took to actually run the offense for the ‘Hawks.  Little was known about him, until his sophomore year.  Before the fucking season even began, he dislocated his thumb during a brawl with the football team (supposedly, other basketball players were there, but I feel like he took the entire football roster on on his own).  It was over a girl, of course.  When are these fucking players going to learn that you don’t fight your own fucking team?  What if one of those cornerbacks you just shit jacked in the mouth joins the team as a walk on?  Don’t laugh, that isn’t as far fetched as it sounds (Michael Lee for KU, Julius Peppers for UNC both jump to mind).  Tyshawn started the year off right.  Injuring himself while fighting the people most likely to help him do a fucking keg stand and find some drunk jersey chaser to sleep with him (I act like all these guys are sluts, but, compared to Kirk Hinrich, who reportedly would fuck randos, but not kiss them (because “that’s cheating”) no one is a slut).  You don’t fight those guys.  You hold their legs and return the favor.

So, after hearing about that shit show, I figured Tyshawn couldn’t do anything else to get him name out there that didn’t involve the words “Cabo” and “six pounds of cocaine.”  Then, he went and made another dipshit move.  He asked…on Facebook…to be transfered.  Dude, you were playing behind Serron fucking Collins!  That’s like Joe Bidden taking a breather for bonging some non-alcoholic beers to beg Nicolas Sarkozy to take him on as the minister of finance (or whatever the fuck they call their Treasury over there).  It’s a dumb move.  Appropriately, Coach Toupee said “I don’t know anything about that, but if he wants to be transferred, I will find him a fucking place to go.  I don’t need panty waists in my program!  You want a ring, I’ll give you a ring, you ungrateful shit.”  Okay, he didn’t say all of that.  I just read his mind during that press conference.

So, now, we have Disgruntled Fisticuffs running the show.  Despite my reservations after the Minnesota Vikings level of drama coming out of Taylor’s mouth, I find that I actually like the kid.  He’s come around, grown into his own as a player and is definitely working well with Marcus as the resident bad ass upperclassmen on the team.  I kind of want to get a Taylor jersey (though I’d have to write his name on it in Sharpie since the NCAA doesn’t allow names on jerseys).  He’s not really Collins type, he’s more of a Russell Robinson type.  We all know what happened when RussRob was running the floor.

Also, in case it wasn’t apparent, I’m fucking proud of the photo I got with him at MSG.  I’m all over Tyshawn now, like white on rice.

Thomas Robinson

Position: Forward
Class: Sophomore
Hometown: The Nation’s Capital
Nicknames: T-Rob
Number: 0
Tattoos: Maybe?

Pros: he’s a physical freak; unstoppable once he gets going
Cons: lacks fundamental understanding of basketball; unstoppable once he gets going

T-Rob is a lot like Julian Wright.  An unquestionable physical presence, but a fucking child when it comes to actually playing the game of basketball.  Is there potential for him to understand the game and become a starter?  Nothing that I’ve seen so far says yes.  In the words of Brett, “I don’t know that I could hook up with a basketball player, but Thomas…I’d let him get wild just to see if he could carry me.  That guy is pure athletic ability in a Jayhawk uniform with the brain of a three year old.”

Jordan Juenemann

 

Position: Guard (really, another?)
Class: Junior
Hometown: Hays, KS
Nicknames: I can’t spell his regular name, so no nicknames
Number: 40
Tattoos: He’s white, do I have to say this again?

Pros: he’s never lost a game single handedly
Cons: he’s never won a game single handedly

Here’s Juenenmann’s highlight reel.

Shit, I got confused.  Watch this video of Kyle Singler being a bad ass instead.

Elijah Johnson

Position: Guard (this is getting ridiculous)
Class: Sophomore
Hometown: Las Vegas, NV
Nicknames: The Prophet
Number: 15
Tattoos: Huge backpiece featuring the entire Old Testament, as well as Paul Pierce and Greg Ostertag riding a Jayhawk

Pros: he can lead the way to spiritual salvation; a reliable scorer off the bench
Cons: doomed to backup because stacked guard spot

Elijah Johnson is a kid that I like.  Crushes shooting when he actually gets minutes…which is the biggest problem for the guy.  He kind of picked a rough time to be hitting up the ‘Hawks, since he came on with Collins/Henry as the 1-2 positions and will basically be back up in the Taylor/Selby era.  Just a tough break for the kid, so I don’t think we’ll ever know what could have been.

Mario Little

Position: Guard (see what I’m talking about?)
Class: RS Senior
Hometown: Chicago, IL
Nicknames: The Opposite of Little
Number: 23
Tattoos: Level 2-4 from Super Mario Bros. 3

Pros: ears that look like the love child of Hinrich and Reed’s ears
Cons: I’m getting tired of saying he’ll never play because we have too many guards, but it’s true.

Mario Little is not litte.  Not little at all.  In fact, he somehow looks bigger than I remember him.  I feel that if I pissed him off just enough, he’d punch my fucking head off.  That’s a compliment.

Travis Releford

Position: Guard (argh…)
Class: RS Sophomore
Hometown: reppin’ KCMO, fellas and the ladies know
Nicknames: The Swashbuckler, Gold Dubloons
Number: 24
Tattoos: doesn’t need them when he’s on the high seas, raping and pillaging

Pros: most ’70’s looking player we’ve had since Langford
Cons: generally only gets garbage time minutes, but he’s good when he’s in?

Releford looks like a fucking Musketeer or a Swashbuckler in an Errol Flynn movie (if Flynn was a virulent racist and drunk, there would have totally been a couple of black dudes in his adventure movies).  Seriously.  I want Releford to go to the costume shop on Mass St and get a fucking floppy pirate hat.  He’s warming the bench, so there can’t be any rules against wearing a hat, right?  Aaron Miles wore a sweatband like it was his fucking job, why can’t Travis rock a hat?

Jeff Withey

Position: Center (yes!)
Class: RS Sophomore
Hometown: Whale’s Vagina, CA
Nicknames: dude, he’s a fucking 7′ tall white dude…and his name is FUCKING WITHEY!
Number: 5
Tattoos: None

Pros: he’s a 7′ white dude who can bang the boards and lift his hand up to put the rock in
Cons: played for Arizona; constantly compared to Cole Aldrich

I know that, technically, his name isn’t pronounced “whitey.”  I know that.  Honestly, I don’t fucking care.

Conner Teahan

Position: Guard (back to where we were)
Class: Senior
Hometown: Leawood, KS
Nicknames: Cool Hand Teahan
Number: 2
Tattoos: of course not.  White dudes don’t seem concerned with making themselves look hard

Pros: was fucking clutch money his first two seasons
Cons: constantly wishing he could go back to those first two seasons

Dude doesn’t play all that much.  When he does, he’s not the steady shooter that he used to be.  Still a wonderful guy who spends his off-days at the old folks home, cleaning diapers and preparing himself for a life of “I used to play for KU” stories.  Also, one of the old ladies thinks that Conner is her dead husband and has tried on multiple occasions to stick her tongue down his throat.  Most of the time, he politely declines.  Other times, he lets her get a cheap thrill.

Royce Woolridge

Position: Guard (fuck you, Toupee)
Class: Freshman
Hometown: Phoenix, AZ
Nicknames: I don’t know anything about the kid yet
Number: 11
Tattoos: not yet, he’s young, give him time

Pros: he’s a Jayhawk
Cons: he’s in a crappier spot than the rest of the guards on our team

Same year as Selby, which means that he’s got to wait at least one year before getting any appreciable minutes.  Also, he plans on opening a restaurant in San Diego after studying business at KU.  I’m not sure I trust a basketball player who’s goal isn’t “Win a National Championship, plow the cheerleading squad, become an NBA fucking legend and retire in the midst of a serious pain killer addiction…THEN rehab my image and open a restaurant in San Diego.”

Justin Wesley

Position: Forward (forward you glad I didn’t say guard?)
Class: RS Sophomorw
Hometown: Fort Worth, TX
Nicknames: Fourteenth Man
Number: 4 (Nick Collison’s number…big shoes, friendo)
Tattoos: No idea (see below)

Pros: he’s never done something Jeff Graves level of stupid
Cons: I’m actually pretty sure I’ve never seen him play a minute of basketball

Who the fuck is Justin Wesley?  For realz, people.  I don’t know.  If you’re watching the game with me sometime, please point him out to me.

Niko Roberts

Position: Guard (*sound of head exploding*)
Class: Freshman
Hometown: Huntington, NY
Nicknames: Benchwarmer
Number: 20
Tattoos: ?

Pros: excellent sideline clapper
Cons: none

Welcome to the 2010-11 Jayhawks, Benchwarmer!  Be sure to clap every time the Morris twins pull an opposing forwards arms off.

 

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