Long Distance Jayhawk


Sooner or Later by longdistancejayhawk

Blake Griffin, a maestro of dunks, if not badass facial expressions.

Growing up in Oklahoma, I have a love/hate relationship with their sports teams. On the one hand, Bob Stoops and his utter mastery of the college game is something breathtaking to behold. Even when his teams are injury riddled or not up to their usual standards, they’re always entertaining1. On top of that, they always have some kind of story, this year being the season-long memorial to fallen linebacker Austin Box. That’s the kind of thing that makes you get what makes a team important, not only to each other, but to their fans. So, yeah, I grew up being steeped in the culture of OU football.

Sadly, though, their fans can be sanctimonious pricks2, especially when you point out that their bucktoothed idea of crimson is something more akin to burgundy or maroon. And cream? Really? I’ve seen your jerseys. Shit’s white, not cream. The other thing is that, for all the dominance and enterainment the Sooners have offered me on the football field, their fans act like it’s their god-given right to waltz to the BCS every year, even when they’re not that good3 Get off your high horse, guys. You can’t win every year. I can’t even imagine what happened back in Oklahoma for the last month, after Oklahoma State got the BCS nod and the Sooner had to settle for dispatching Iowa in the Insight Bowl, while Justin Blackmon snagged four TDs, kissed a cheerleader and thanked a poor girl with leukemia for being a bad ass. It was just a strange year for college athletics in Oklahoma4.

Justin Blackmon, in recreating his own VJ Day Kiss, plants a solid on some Cowboy cheerleader. OU fans, take note: this is the man from OU that lead the Cowboys to an incredible finale over Andrew fucking Luck while you guys had to settle for an Insight Bowl and watching from home.

So, yeah, I kind of miss Oklahoma being relevant in basketball. OSU is almost always a contender, because, while football it the lifeblood of that school, they understand that a legacy of good basketball can be as rewarding as football5. For a brief few moments there, I thought that the Sooners were giving a shit about basketball. In fact, right before I moved to Brooklyn, the office I was working at had a copy of the Sooners promotional material. They talked a lot about how historically good the Sooners had been. They had reason to think that they’d be good for at least the foreseeable future with Blake Griffin and a fresh coach in Jeff Capel. Then things went south. In addition to having solid seasons during the tow Griffin years, Capel capped off his career at OU by losing more than winning and ultimately retreating to Duke and a spot on the bench as an assistant coach6. And now we’re left with a team in transition. The Sooners made the wise hire of Lon Kruger, who is famous for coaching UNLV and not faking birth certificates. I really want Kruger to make OU something to be, if not feared, at least a game I circle on my calendar. The Sooners are not at the point right now, despite the chili party I’m throwing for the game.

I blame this man for the emptying of the arena any time the Sooners can't win a game. It's just the way his reign at OU went. Plus, I mean, he looks fucked up in this shot.

I always looked forward to Kansas/Oklahoma match ups. Even if the teams weren’t even, I knew that the atmosphere would be good because the fans would still come out. But that hasn’t been the case the last couple of season. After Griffin left and Capel ran into some recruiting issues, the quality of play decreased. Like any fan base spoiled by it’s football teams glory, the Sooner fans stopped caring. This fact was never more apparent than last season when God’s Team went down to Norman. We beat the ever loving shit out of OU that day. With more than twelve minutes left in the game, Lloyd Nobel Arena emptied out, as fans young and old decided to try to beat traffic. The only spectators left in the stands wore Crimson and Blue. And that’s what OU needs. They need a coach and a program that makes you want to stay, even if the team is losing. In my four years at Kansas, I never left a game until the final buzzer sounded. Granted, I didn’t see many losses, but I never would have left. I would have kept thinking that something magical could happen, that Langford would get an alley oop that would break the game open, that Russ Rob would hit a three to spark a late game run. Even if those things happened and we still lost, I wanted the team to know that I appreciated what they did. I wanted them to understand that playing the game and screaming as hard as you can on every possession, even a hopeless one, was worth it for me. That’s the magic of the sport.

I want OU to get that magic back.

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I’ll be perfectly honest with you: I have no idea what’s happening in the NFL these days. I mean, on a literal level I do. The playoffs start this afternoon and I know who the teams left standing are. But so much of the season and who made it to the playoffs seems to be a crap shoot. I was talking to my buddy james the other day and we couldn’t come up with a single dominant team. The Packers and the Saints look like the best teams, but if the Packers defense isn’t forcing turnovers and giving Rodgers great field position, it’s hard to tell whether or not they can win. It’s why I think the Packers clashing with the 49ers could be a bad combo for Green Bay. The same goes for the Saints. Drew Brees had a monster year7 and could carry that into the post-season. Or he could be facing off with Matt Stafford in a shoot out that his defense loses for him. Of every playoff year, this is the one where I feel like we’re looking at the biggest crapshoot.

So, why not try and pick the games this week?

NFL Playoff Round One Picks

Cincinnati at Houston

The Texans limped into the playoffs on third-string rookie QB T.J. Yates’8 unprepared shoulders. It’s been a bumpy ride for the Texans, who took the AFC South for the first time ever. They should probably write Peyton a thank you card for not playing this season. Anyway…fuck, I have no idea what’s going to happen in this one. I mean, the only thing I can think is that Simpson’s going to make another crazy TD catch and Green will pull down 8 for 100+ yards. Which I think will be the difference maker in this one. The Texans are trying to get by and the Bengals are just doing the same shit that lead them to 9-7 and a playoff berth. In this case, I think Cincy’s aerial game will carry the day.
Cincinnati 27, Houson 17

 Detroit at New Orleans

There’s nothing more to say about Drew Brees and his record setting year. In fact, he’s going to probably end up piling on more yards during this contest. The Lions are kind of frisky, but I don’t think Stafford’s going to be able to hang with the Saints. Look at what happened to the Lions in most blowouts this season. Sure, they made the score close to avoid embarassment, but if you were watching the games (specifically the first Green Bay game), they were playing catch up from the opening kick. Expect that to happen again.
Detroit 35, New Orleans 45

Atlanta at New York Giants

Living in Brooklyn means I’m treated to every Giants game (and, sadly, the Jets) because DirecTV apparently pick up signal through the one fucking tree in the gay bar behind my apartment’s back patio9. I mentioned this in an email to some friends and I’ll let my buddy Brian explain this one:

Rooting for the G-Men is like visiting an ex-girlfriend. She’s going to give you what she’s going to give you and you can never quite predict what that is. Sometimes she leaves you feeling great, like it used to be, like you always knew it could be. Other times she leaves you coldtiredalone, so dejected you can’t even fume, and you wonder why you ever called.

There you go.
Atlanta 23, New York Giants 20

Pittsburgh at Denver

How flagrantly will James Harrison try and take The Tebow out of this game? What’s wrong, James? Do you not like the all-mighty savior Jesus Christ and his football scion Tim Tebow? Get the fuck out of here you godless piece of shit.
Pittsburgh 10, Denver 13

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FOOTNOTES

1 – Early in the college season, a bunch of my ex-pat Jayahwk friends and I went to 4th Down to watch football. I’m going to blame Jane for pushing for this abortion of bridge-and-tunnel frat guys on a Brooklyn jaunt. Basically, everyone there seemed to be waiting for the keg stand station to open up so they could spike some girl’s drink without feeling the prick of their conscience since “oh, bro, I was so hammered last night I went home with a total dog” was in full effect. I was not impressed with this place in the slightest. It was like Brother’s and I prefer my sports bars to include a fireplace and bunch of lowlife regulars grousing about how Eli Manning’s contract is going to sink the G-Men. I digress…during the first drive of that game, OU was scary. I’d seen bits and pieces of them up to that point and I’d been impressed with how they were moving the ball at will. However, during that opening drive, they controlled the tempo and slowly marched down the field while effectively using up half of the first quarter. Then, of course, they had injuries and flamed out. Whatever. That one moment was such a Bob Stoops moment that you really can’t deny just how fucking good the guy is at coaching. Back

2 – If you’re not a Jayhawk, fuck you. I get the irony of that statement. Back

3 – Again, let’s ignore the fact that I think that every year about KU basketball. Also, in my defense, I never thought we were even close to a title contender this year. Which naturally means we’ll somehow make the Championship, despite the fact that our second best player is My Best Friend and he spends most of his non-basketball time taking to Twitter to complain about women. Dude, you’re in your twenties, you’re the point guard for the University of fucking Kansas. You shouldn’t be bitching about women breaking your heart or whatever. Put your jersey on and go hook up. Right now. You don’t need to be marrying anyone! That’s why it’s your fucking twenties! Reading his Twitter feed is kind of like watching someone have a prolonged nervous breakdown, except that the success of your team is riding on it. Back

4 – People outside the Sooner State (which should be enough of an indication where most of the resident’s loyalties lie) probably don’t know this, but OSU is basically the little brother with asthma that the Sooners make fun of and challenge to feats of strength. Typically, it doesn’t go well for the asthmatic. Except for this year. Like I said, a weird year for Oklahoma college athletics. Back

5 – Well, that and T. Boone Pickens’ money. Any Jayhawk fan out there that gives a shit can vividly remember refreshing their Google search for “bill self osu coaching” in the immediate wake of our National Championship victory. Think about if OSU had made good on their commitment to basketball and lured Self away right after he’d lead us to the holy land? Wouldn’t that have been 100x worse than Benedict “I don’t give a damn about North Carolina” Williams leaving us right after the loss to Syracuse? I seriously sat there, worried that the joy I was feeling at taking the title would quickly be replaced by a hole where I once made fun of Bill Self’s toupee. It was an uneasy time. Back

6 – Hey, Duke fans…get ready for the Jeff Capel era! Even though Coach K will probably coach until he’s two hundred, buried both his children and maybe a grandchild and watched both Dean Smith and Roy Williams devolve into doddering old men thanks to the pact with the devil, no one on Duke’s coaching staff has head coaching experience (that’s a statement I just made without doing any research other than “I remember Jeff Capel coaching OU, so he must be the only one with HC experience), so he’s the clear frontrunner in the event that K steps down. All I can tell you is that you better hope to fucking Jesus Christ that his recruiting pipeline on the east coast is waaaaaaaaaaaay better than it was in the midwest or that “storied” Duke program is going to be back where it was prior to the Coach K era. Back

7 – Not to diminish Brees’ accomplishments, but I think a lot of what made him successful are the rules that allow him to throw the ball much more effectively than Marino did. It’s a lot like an record in baseball. It tends to be subjective based on the area when the feat was achieved. Back

8 – My parents will be happy to know that he was a Tar Heel once upon a time. And by once upon a time, I mean eight months ago. Back

9 – That’s not a disparaging comment at all. Excelsior is the gay bar in Park Slope and it has a pretty good happy hour. Plus, if you’re the only straight guy there, you’ve got much better odds on picking up any women you see hanging out. Back



Fisticuffs, My Dear, Fisticuffs by longdistancejayhawk

I'm Ghostface Killah, I approve this message thanks to the Wu shout out. You have to take my word for it. See this pile of money? SHIT'S HUGE!

This paragraph is dedicated to my coworker Jill, who apparently reads this shit despite her opinion on basketball ranging from apathetic to distasteful. I don’t really know the reason why since she’s a Yankees fan and that’s like rooting for Wall Street…actually that might explain it. Anyway, in an effort to further internationalize Naismith’s invention, college teams are going abroad to play exhibition games in foreign countries (or in our country, more on that in a bit). This has been going on for a while. Kentucky and Slime Ball went to the great white north last summer for a few exhibition games. However, the Wildcats didn’t face anything like what the Hoyas got when they squared off with a Chinese military team. Georgetown and the Bayi Military Rockets played a game in what was called the China-U.S. Basketball Friendship Match. Not so friendly. According to Rivals.com, Georgetown are losers for this one. Meredith, you should be happy that Useless Kelly is being perceived as a winner on the Blue Devils’ jaunt through China. Also, the whole of Duke should be congratulated for, you know, not fighting anyone). Seems that the game was on the brink of getting out of hand from the beginning. Finally, the whole thing boiled over, both benches cleared and shit went down.

I’ve only seen the video here (I could have linked to YouTube, but since I’m a huge Wu-Tang fan, I figured I’d throw out some World Star Hip Hop love), which makes it hard to tell what exactly happened. The thing that was most intriguing to me is that this put the Pacers-Pistons insanity into a different context. That one was so much more measured, seeming, with officials, coaches and everyone else trying to keep the peace, while the fans continued to stir the pot (sure, some people think that Ron’s choice of laying out on the scorer’s table was something akin to date raping your sister, but come on! He was trying to GET OUT of the fight, not stay in it. That fucking punk in the stands wouldn’t have it. Sadly, Artest didn’t really plan out his heat-seeking mission and ended up brutalizing the wrong guy). This is literally a brawl. I remember a fight that broke out when I still played. I don’t remember the particulars, but it was similar to this. Just a tornado of people throwing punches and screaming.

If you watch the video above, you’ll notice the police coming in at the tail end. Perhaps I’m being a touch racist, but wouldn’t it have been funny if they’d held their hands up and said “Nothing is wrong! We love people! These man-boys are just hugging each other!” Wait, was that too far? Whatever. I think what bugs me the most is in the same vein as Alonzo Mourning’s reaction to the fight. I don’t want guys going out into the world and getting into fights with other countries (shit, I have a hard enough time with the number of fights God‘s Team gets into in general and that’s just within Lawrence). It makes us look like assholes. Obviously, the Hoyas should have taken the high road, like our parents raised us to. Yes, sometimes other people play the game unfairly, or too aggressively, or like a bunch of assholes. Guess what? Life’s full of them. If I started a brawl with every pole leaner on the subway because he’s an asshole, I’d be the Richard Bronson of 2011 New York.

As something of a counterpoint to the bloodbath, we have the UK-Dominican National Team series that went down in Kentucky. I love that Calipari is coaching the Dominican Team. It’s like the anti-Coach K. “What? Americans? Why would I want to coach them? Too much of a paper trail when I’m trying to lure recruits to my school” (that’s a joke about the fact that Dominican birth certificates are basically about as authoritative as a Taco Bell receipt. I’m insinuating that their Education Department’s standards are probably on the same level). They played  a series of exhibition games against some UK all-stars, like Rajon Rondo and Demarcus Cousins. According to most reports I’ve seen, the UK All-Stars treated the game like they were the Harlem Globetrotters and the Dominicans were the Generals. They threw up alley oops like confetti in Allen Fieldhouse. The difference between this and a Globetrotters game is that the Dominicans actually played the game seriously. And they crushed the All-Stars by nearly 20 points. Naturally, no one punched anyone out, so it might not have been quite as thrilling as the China-Georgetown game. Unless you like watching bored NBA players fuck around for and two hours while waiting to go get high in the locker room after the game.

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Bill Self usually covers his mouth when dropping f-bombs on the court. Here, he's letting his guard down. I wonder if he'll stop putting program over his mouth when he calls Tyshawn "a fucking turnover shitstain" this season since Lew The Ghoul's out.

ESPN posted a two-part pair of articles, one dealing with the Jayhawks, the other with Missouri. First, the Jayhawks piece. They ask the pertinent question about whether or not this season is an appropriate time to assume that God’s Team won’t be the powerhouse that they’ve been in years past. The short answer: yes, it’s an appropriate time to doubt that we’ll be spectacular. The long answer: yes, probably appropriate, but that’s selling Self, his coaching staff and Thomas Robinson short. Self has faced similar situations in the past. The 2008 Champs were a loaded team, but most people forget that going into that season, we lost Julian Wright, who most followers of the Big XII assumed was the centerpiece to that vintage. Of course, we won a championship without him and did it at the expense of perennial powerhouse Carolina and belle of the ball Memphis. After that, we made a Sweet Sixteen, won a slew of games and pretty much dominated the Big XII. True, recruiting might not be the caliber that we’re used to, but think about the star recruits we’ve landed in the interim. Xavier and Selby weren’t the dominant players they were projected to be. They just weren’t. Yet, Self has found success. With Danny Manning coaching Robinson this year without the Morrii, he’s clearly destined for a star turn. The thing about is whether or not T-Rob’s maturation will make those around him better. I think yes. Sure, I think that this season might not be the romp to the tournament that we’re used to. Is that such a bad thing though? Wouldn’t a little drama possibly make us cherish the victories more?

Next, Missouri. As if the slavers couldn’t get further into a rut, they decided to hire Frank Haith and he immediately proved the Tigers who hated the decision right. I derided this decision from a purely basketball stance earlier in the off season. Haith couldn’t coach his way out of a sopping wet paper bag if it had a hole in it. Granted, Miami doesn’t have the cache of Missouri, but Mizzou’s allure was completely predicated on Mike Anderson being a charismatic recruiter. Plus, the fact that he was winning helped lure people to the hell that is Columbia (a counterpoint: Jeff Capel couldn’t have recruited his own son to play at OU because Norman sucks). So, they hired a guy who won just 6% more than 50% of his games while at Miami and only had .500 conference record once (he left the Hurricanes with a 43-69 ACC record which I could probably manage with no prep time and only 5 players). How do you think Haith is going to fare at Missouri when he has to go against Kansas and Texas twice a season? What about a still viable K-State? He couldn’t maintain a winning record against Carolina and Duke, let alone a conference stocked with underacheievers like Boston College and NC State. Dude was kind of fucked from the get-go.

Will the Tigers regret hiring Haith after he's taken a dump all over their athletics department?

Now, we get word that the football and basketball programs at Miami are under investigation by the NCAA for letting a known degenerate felony fraternize with players. Only one of Haith’s recruits was called out, but the lesson should be that he sucks at recruting. If he had to pay one good player to come to Miami (Editor’s note: Let me revise that, he had to get someone else to pay a player in sex and money), he’s not winning many fans on his own influence. What I’m most interested to see is whether or not Missouri stands by him. I can’t imagine that they let him go before the season gets under way ( with only innuendo at this point, there’s no way they drop him, lest they pay his buyout and have to bargain shop for a stop gap coach until they can budget for better). Hypothetical: The season starts. The allegations get more serious while Haith is winning games or, God forbid, takes one from us. Do they continue to support him? How long can they do it before they have to let him go? I’d say Haith is in a sub-Bruce Pearl situation right now. This isn’t UCONN choosing to support Calhoun who drunkenly calls recruits just to thumb his Braintree nose at the NCAA. This is a subpar coach in a lose-lose situation.

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Congrats to former Jayhawks (and personal faves) Reed and Morningstar. DJ Connor’s headed to Belgium and Lucifer is hitting up the always volatile Greece league (not so much for basketball but for the riots related to the apocalypse they call an economy). Kick it old school and Rock Chalk in the European Union! I’m glad you guys have moved on, but I’ll miss typing your nicknames in these hallowed pages.

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See? If I type jayhawk a couple more times, I might actually become the most important thing on the internet ever!

Apparently, if you search “when you’re a jayhawk you’re a jayhawk for life” on Google, this blog is the second thing that comes up (also, some one Googled “isaih fox vending machine” and got here. I could probably retire right now knowing that people will forever find this blog because I made fun of the fact that Fox messed up the Lawrence Holodome). Score one for me. At the rate I’m going, I’ll be the most popular sports blog on the net. Well, as long as we’re only counting how many instances of the word “jayhawk” I can cram into any individual post. That and “tyrel reed sister” which is the most common thing bring people here. Just for your entertainment, here’s Lacie and Darell’s wedding video, which should make all you pervs jealous. Either of the fact that he’s banging Lacie Reed or because he and DJ rock pink vest like it ain’t no thing.



Bananrama Knows Nothing of Cruel Summers by longdistancejayhawk

It’s been a long summer for me. I waited patiently while the Morrii debated whether or not to return to God’s Country (okay, not really. We knew they were going the minute the season ended, but I like to imagine there was at least a little suspense). With them gone on to greener pastures, I’m left to worry about the future of the Jayhawks. Well, worry’s a strong word. Toupee has shown that no matter what happens, he’s still a coach that can be trusted to win about 28 games. With the departure of so many players, I’m left to contemplate the knowns and the unknowns of the upcoming campaign.

First, the knowns. We know that T-Rob will be back for what will most likely be his final season. After a postseason of working out (and getting a ton of tattoos, which seems to take up 75% of all Jayhawks’ Twitter feeds) and wishing for the season to begin, he can start looking forward to being the only focus of Danny Manning’s expert guidance. Manning has proven himself the most capable coach of big men in the Big XII, if not all of college basketball. This will be T-Rob’s season to shut everyone down and show off just how fucking great he is. His minutes will go up from 14/game last season, as will his production. If Marcus and especially Markieff’s jumps are any indication, Robinson will be the most dominant player in the game at the post.

That said, I’m more worried about the next known. We know that Tyshawn will be the point guard. I’ve been defending Taylor in this blog and to anyone who will listen, but it’s still worrisome that he’s going to be our PG this season. Imagine the leap that T-Rob is bound to make. He’s going to go from being a pretty sweet Japanese import to a manual Maserati. Toupee, at this point, has little choice but to hand the keys over to Taylor, who may or may not be able to drive. Period. I don’t feel totally confident about this situation. True, Taylor has gone from being a turnover machine to being a simple liability, but that doesn’t mean that he’s Collins or Hinrich. Granted, Taylor’s got speed, he just doesn’t protect the ball. I mean, the most likely candidate to succeed him is The Prophet and I have no idea what he looks like on the court (for realz, does anyone else remember a single memorable play he’s made?)

Which brings us to the unknowns. Toupee waited until the bitter end to start recruiting guys. Trust me, I’ve been following it. Everyone else had sewn up high profile recruits before the tournament had ended. In fact, Kentucky and Duke made quite a haul with about half the McDonald’s All-Americans being committed to either of those two. We had to take guys who slipped in the ESPNU100 as the summer wore on. This isn’t to say that Tharpe (who, by the way has been getting tatted up like a sailor on shore leave…because he paid for them and isn’t trading his status as a Jayhawk for ink. This isn’t the Tressel reign at Ohio State, here) isn’t a good player, just that he’s unknown. Same thing goes for McLemore. Both are guys that I don’t know enough about and that worries me. That said, if McLemore and Tharpe can contribute to this team and establish themselve for future seasons, I’ll be happy. It might be refreshing to be something of an underdog this season and not have the shadow of underperforming one-and-dones hanging over everything (*cough*Henry*cough*Selby).

No matter what, though, I’m already getting the excitement for November. I’ve been rocking my Jayhawk shirt all day and checking whether or not tickets for the MSG showdown are on sale yet (they’re not).

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If this report on CBS is to be believed, Mike Rice of Rutgers is hearing scuttlebutt that the NBA owners are considering adopting the NFL’s three years rule. In the NFL this makes perfect sense as a high school player would get paralyzed stepping on the field in the NFL. At the NBA level it makes sense from a developmental standpoint. The one year rule dilutes the college level experience for most layers and ultimately does them a disservice (I’m not talking about them going to class and learning something, because, let’s face it, these guys aren’t curing cancer anytime soon). The bigger takeaway from the college game should be chemistry building and team continuity. If you’re a good team player, you’ll succeed at basketball. The selfish desire to look good must be suppressed for the benefit of the team. Every one-and-done player knows going in that they’re not coming back. They focus not on learning the nuances of the game, but showing scouts that they can drain points and swagger all over their opponents. There’s no encouragement for them to make them selves better teammates, just be a good-looking player. Adding two years to the college experience would go a long way to making that part of the development of young players.

Texas A&M can suck it. I can’t believe that they would reach out to the SEC to try and get in on their shit. Come on, guys! Didn’t you learn anything from the big realignment fiasco last season? For one thing, next season is going to be far more interesting in both football and basketball. I can’t help but think that this has something to do with this USA Today article about how Texas makes all the money in the world twice from TV revenue. While I’m glad the Big XII still exists, I think that Dan Bebee’s kowtowing to the Longhorns and basically giving them carte blanche to make piles of money that would put Warren Buffet to shame is going to be the downfall of our conference.

Here’s a side show about coaches who have coached one-and-done kids. It’s interesting for two reasons: Calipari only coaches one-and-done players these days, which makes me wonder how Wildcat fans choose clever chants for their players. Those should come after a year or two, not a game or two. The more interesting (and if you’re name is Meredith stop reading now or you might puke on yourself) point is in the Jeff Capel slide. They assert that Capel is primed to take the mantle at Duke from Coach K when Satan finally makes good on that contract. This should alarm Blue Devil fans since Capel’s main claim to fame was convincing Blake Griffen to play for him. He had a couple decent years at OU, but recruiting violations (a Sooner staple since the Kelvin Sampson era) and woefully bad recruiting (you’d think if you were cheating, you’d actually get better players) submarined the Sooners. He got fired because he’s a crappy coach who let Kansas blow him the fuck out at home while the homefans fled Lloyd Noble in droves with over 10 minutes left in the game. Can you imagine what’s going to happen once K’s recruits leave and Capel has to recruit on his own? Will the Cameron Crazies stick around as Capel lets the Dukies get shellacked by Florida State? The one caveat, which my buddy Kyle would point out here, is that Capel is a Virginia man and being closer to his home stomping ground might make him a better recruiter. Operative word here is might.

Side note: Toupee gets on the list at #9 for coaching Xavier and Selby.

Finally, BleacherReport did a slideshow on predicting the Big XII postseason awards. Best part of the slideshow: Robinson and Taylor being projected for first team all Big XII with T-Rob also tabbed to be Player of the Year. The worst part of the slideshow: realizing that Keiton Paige is still alive.



You Win Some, You Lose Some by longdistancejayhawk

With a heavy heart, we wave farewell to the regular season that was. There were some highs (beating Missouri at Missouri, Texas getting knocked down a few pegs at the end of the season, K-State coming back strong to prove that they deserve a nod for the Dance) and some lows (every time the shit trifecta of Iowa State, Oklahoma or Texas Tech took the floor). Being a man who is willing to admit his mistakes, I’m going to take a few moments to reflect on what I predicted for the season, what I saw and how very wrong I was in some regards. Without further ado, here it is, the post-mortem on my Regular Season predictions (I’ve listed the teams in the order they actually finished in the following format: Team: real record (proj place; proj record)).

The Big 12 Final Standings

1. Kansas: 14-2 (1; 14-2)
2. Texas: 13-3 (2; 11-5)
3. Texas A&M: 10-6 (3; 11-5)
4. Kansas State: 10-6 (5; 10-6)
5. Missouri: 8-8 (6; 9-7)
6. Colorado: 8-8 (8; 8-8)
7. Baylor: 7-9 (4; 11-5)
8. Nebraska: 7-9 (9; 4-12)
9. Oklahoma State: 6-10 (7; 9-7)
10. Oklahoma: 5-11 (10; 4-12)
11. Texas Tech: 5-11 (12; 1-15)
12. Iowa State: 3-13 (11; 3-13)

I’m going to be honest with you, I think I did all right as a junior Nostradamus this season. Sure, there were some hiccups here and there, but all around, not a bad showing. My biggest problem was that I didn’t want to admit that Texas was as good as they were (I’m not going to anoint them quite yet, since any Sith Lord team likes to do that whole “We’re great, we’re Great, we’re GREAT!” thing before sputtering to the finish line) and that caused me to predict a much more lopsided top of the pile in Kansas’ favor. Anyway, I’m going to go down the list in reverse order and offer some thoughts and opinions on the teams, their finish and what the rest of the all-too-brief remainder of the season holds for them.

12. Iowa State
I’ve got to level with you. I’ve never thought the Cyclones were very good. In fact, in pretty much any serious Big 12 discussion, I almost always put them at the bottom of the list. For some reason, I figured that Texas Tech would some how beat them at their own game this season (sucking) and that kept me from putting them in their rightful slot at the bottom of the Big 12. They’re not going anywhere this off season, other than maybe the corn field. What’s sad is that the wunderkind coach they got in there didn’t show any signs of life. Must be tough for the Cyclone faithful to be staring down the barrel of the same shit next year. Also, congrats to me for getting their record perfect.

11. Texas Tech
The General would probably be disappointed with his son if he weren’t so busy mainlining whiskey with Musberger before they go on the air. Pat Knight was given a pretty decent program (good, not great with the Knight pedigree and a whole lot of support [I’m assuming there’s a lot of support for basketball since College Station is dry and without booze, what do you do to entertain yourselves outside of basketball?]) and he turned it into a shit sandwich. I guess the AD at Tech agrees with me since Pat was let go on Monday. He’ll still coach the Big 12 Tournament, but that’s kind of an empty gesture at this point. I don’t know who they could get to come in and breathe some life into the Red Raiders, but it’s looking pretty bleak down there.

10. Oklahoma
Unlike Baby Knight, Jeff Capel‘s job is safe. I think he’s the victim of some improprieties with some players (Tiny Gallon ring a bell?) as well as some kids who left the program. I’m not trying to say he shouldn’t have turned the lemons of his season into a small amount of lemonade, but I think he gets a flier on this one. There’s only so much you can do with an absence of talent. That said, he better hope he hits the Blake Griffin jackpot again. He needs a winning season (also of note: when I accused OU of sucking and their fans knowing it, a bunch of people took me to task on Facebook. Look, I like when OU’s a strong team. I like Jeff Capel. What I really meant to say was “Look, OU has been good in the past and I’m holding out hope that they will be good in the future. However, this particular team of Sooners sucks. Look at their numbers. Look at how they play, specifically on defense, and tell me they don’t suck. This is not a referendum on the Sooners all around, Bob Stoops, conestoga wagons or Sam Bradford. Hell, I like Jeff Capel! I’m just saying that, in this immediate moment (and this should be taken with a MASSIVE grain of salt because I write a semi-satirical blog about being a belligerent homer for the Jayahwks despite living in NY), the Sooners aren’t that great. I’d hazard to say they suck and given the paucity of crimson and creme (or is it cream? I’m not writing that in character, I’m honestly asking) in the stands during the Murderbirds’ evisceration of OU, I would say that their fans agree with that statement” but that doesn’t work as a headline and doesn’t fit neatly in a tweet).

9. Oklahoma State
Oh, I had high hopes for the Cowboys. I really did. Unlike OU, who I knew would be pretty disappointing, I kind of liked the scrappy nature of the Pokes, especially Moses. I figured they’d be a little bit of a tougher team than they ended up being. Travis Ford just did a terrible job coaching or something. I don’t know. Sometimes things don’t break your way. Given their mediocre performance in the regular season, it wouldn’t surprise me if they make a tough out in the Big 12 tourney. Not enough to get themselves into the Big Dance, but enough of a scare for some far superior team.

8. Nebraska
Wow, Nebraska…wow. You guys definitely decided that you were going to go for the jugular with that big win over Texas. You guys quietly racked up more wins than I thought you would (I’ll be honest I felt that this season, Baylor was going to come on strong in conference and that there would be much clearer striations between the bottom and the middle of the Big 12). Good job, boys. Now going enjoy being the Big Ten whipping boys.

7. Baylor
Really, Baylor? You guys couldn’t take all the overrated criticism and channel it into proving me right? You guys couldn’t have won a few more games? You have LaceDarius fucking Dunn! He’s the all-time leading scorer in Big 12 history! He’s the Jimmer Fredette of Baptist schools! He did it even though his career was about to be throw in the toilet for beating his girlfriend. You guys couldn’t rally around the cause of Lacey D? You guys were overrated and you’re going to be watching the tourney from home (this is neither a reverse jinx or a way to get them to get excited about proving me wrong. This is the truth).

6. Colorado
I got the record right, but not the finish. Eh, shit happens. I’ve been pleasantly suprised with the Buffalo this season. They’ve won a few good games, they’ve played tough, they’ve been a team that clearly wasn’t going to just roll over and take it up the poop chute. I commend them for that. Honestly, they’re the most dangerous team in the tournament right now. Joe Lunardi (who wouldn’t want his job? It’s like making a ransom note out of the top 25 every week) has them listed as one of the Last Four In. That’s a tough spot, since it means that, if it started now, they’d be in. That doesn’t mean they’re a lock, though. They need to win. They know they need to win. They’re going to come into the Big 12 Tourney looking for a few wins (and a signature one if they can arrange it) and that makes them the team I’d least like to face. Just saying.

5. Missouri
Dudes know how to get it done at home (except when they play us!) and that’s probably going to get them into the Big Dance. I figured they’d be a little bit better than 8-8 and, but being off by one is kind of normal. They’re a solid team that plays hard from tip to buzzer (shit, they even gave me a scare when they got within six late in the game). They’re still dangerous in the tourney, despite the fact that they attained lock status like two weeks ago.

4. Kansas State
Sexual Frustration came on strong at the right time. I figured they’d be more even during conference play (thought I got their wins right), but you know, they got the wins when they needed them. During the Texas game, the announcers said that Frank Martin retooled the offense (so that they don’t really run a traditional offense, which plays to Pullen’s strengths and away from his weakness as a point). I’m guessing that he bore a hole through a sheet of a paper and the answer appeared in the smoke. Whatever the reason, I’ve liked what I’ve seen so far from the Cats. I think they’re going to be a pretty solid team in the Big Dance. Probably not last year solid, but still.

3. Texas A&M
The Aggies were slightly worse than I thought they’d be. They put up good showings against a lot of teams (though they could have helped themselves immensely with a nice little win over Texas). They’re going to a solid team in the tournament. I’ll be honest I don’t have a lot to say about them. They’re impressive, but I couldn’t name a player on their team. Either way, congrats to Mark Turgeon and company.

2. Texas
The Longhorns are good. I don’t trust them anymore, though. Just like last year, Rick Barnes’ team decided to blow up rather then prove their mettle. It’s just what the Longhorns like to do. To be fair, they didn’t do anything as terrible as last season (I refuse to let the whole .500 to end the season after being number one thing go), but I just…I don’t know. This isn’t a team that I fully trust right now. Hamilton’s good. Thompson’s good. They have the pieces. They just seem off. I’m guessing they’ll be an early exit in the NCAA, but I can see them meeting up with us for a rematch in the Big 12 Championship.

1. Kansas
Rock Chalk on seven in a row, haters! That’s what excellence is. It’s Crimson and Blue. It’s the Murderbirds. It’s confetti and everything else. No matter what, I put my faith in Toupee to win games (not every game, but quite a few of them). The thing that’s most rewarding about this season is so many guys got so much better in the season. The team plays with much more focus, maturity (24 turnovers at Missouri not withstanding) that I do trust this team. I’m not saying that they’re going all the way, but they’re definitely one of the more together ‘Hawks squads I’ve seen in a while.  Plus, they didn’t do me wrong and totally won the number of games I thought they would.

So, while I’m writing, I’m going to revisit the loving a team idea that I posited earlier in the season. There are a lot of things to love about this team. I mean, they clearly like each other. They play like they’ve been playing together for ten years, rather than two to four. They have an energy about them that’s what I like to see. Everyone celebrates each other’s big plays. No one complains about coming off the bench. Everyone who starts and then goes back to the bench comes out with something to prove. They’re there for each other, like when Lisa Robinson died. They went out to the funeral and then came back to take on Colorado and they won it for T-Rob. These guys clearly love each other. Are there things to hate about this team? Yeah, of course there are. We’re a little wild. The Morrii are prone to giving out inopportune Philly Handshakes. Tyshawn can kill you one night on turnovers and stupid fouls. But you know what? That doesn’t matter. This is one of the most fun Jayhawk teams I’ve ever seen (not as fun as 2007-08, but still) and I like that. They’re a joy to watch. That’s why I love them. There, I said it. I love the 2010-11 Jayhawks.



OU Sucks and Even Their Fans Know It by longdistancejayhawk

Hey, Keef, you need to settle down. You'll get all the women you want back in Larry. Come on! We had our way with them, metaphorically, you don't have to do it literally. Either way, your double-double got you the Jersey Chaser Triple Dip Award, so enjoy it.

Holy shit! That was the most insanely awkward game I’ve seen in a while. We worked the shit out of OU in the first half, then The Prophet got popped in the dome piece and we let them hang during the second half (okay, that might be a little generous, but shootin 71% and leading at the half by like 20 then letting them get within like ten isn’t the best second half I’ve ever seen). Also, what the fuck was up with the Sooners‘ schizophrenic defense? In the first half, I remarked to Kyle and Jane that OU didn’t even try to put a hand up in front of our shooters’ faces. For realz. They just stood there and let us rain jumpers all over their heads. The second half? They played a more aggressive style of defense. So aggressive in fact that they seemed hell bent on fouling us on every possession. The first half of the game had such incredbiel flow and energy, all going Kansas’ way. The second half, no flow thanks to the Sooners going hack-a-Shaq on us. I’d say it was a classless way to play the game, but that’s two too many syllables for any OU fan to understand (speaking of classless, did anyone else notice the crowd chanting DUI when Lucifer went to shoot his first free throws? That move wasn’t clever when he came back from his DUI suspension, let alone now. To paraphrase Ron Burgundy, go fuck yourself, Norman). Also, congrats to Jeff Capel for grabbing a technical yesterday. I thought that I’d get through a game without a tech getting called, but not so fast (in fact, I jokingly said “Hey, Meredith, we might get through this Pitt-Louisville game without anyone getting T’d up” at which point a cheerleader chucked the ball in the air and got Louisville a technical). The highlight of the game: By five minutes left in the second half, the only people left in the audience were wearing KU shirts.

Self wants to put his hands all over the breasts of Norman, OK. He knows that the women of Stillwater aren't so hot in comparison and after the complete evisceration that went down yesterday, he deserves a solid boob honk.

I liked what I saw yesterday though. The Morrii combined for more than half our points (as the JCTD Award winner, Markieff had 17 of them along with 10 boards. Dude’s practically averaging a double-double this year [during the broadcast, the announcers were talking about the fact that the Morrii are so close that if one of them decided to stay, the other would too. This raised an interesting question. First, would they be able to drafted by the same team (insanely unlikely, unless some team had two draft picks really close together or traded to get a second pick close by)? Second, wouldn’t this season be the one that they should go? Meredith asked me that one and the reason that she thought they should go this year is, right now, their draft stock is pretty similar, with Marcus barely having an edge. There’s the possibility that next year, Markieff could surpass his brother and thus make it harder for them to end up on the same team. I guess we’ll have to see what happens with the NBA CBA and whether or not there’s going to be a lock out next season]). The only thing I didn’t like was the lack of production across the board. We didn’t have enough guys contributing points, though Morningstar had 6 assists and so many players had rebounds that you’d think we were having a rebounding clinic out there.

Just so you know, I’m writing this while Meredith is watching some Oscars pre-game shit. I keep telling myself that I’m being a good guy and, besides, this is professional research for her. However, that doesn’t explain why I watched 45 minutes of the cheerleading nationals this afternoon.