Filed under: March Madness | Tags: Elite Eight, Gonzaga, Mary, New Mexico, Oklahoma State, Oregon, Shaka Smart, Southern
Look at that joy! I thought yesterday was going to be a chalk affair, then Harvard calculated some angles and some long odds to upset a solid looking New Mexico team. Madness, everybody!
You’re probably pretty happy with your bracket right now. Look at you, you smug jerk, sitting atop your bracket pool. You probably feel so special having made the obvious choice in just about every matchup. If it weren’t for Oregon upsetting Oklahoma State, Harvard going HAM on New Mexico, and the coin-flip of the 8/9 games, you’d be perfect right now. Enjoy it. The rest of us who take this shit waaaaaay too seriously hate you1.
There were a few lessons learned yesterday. The first and most important is that if literally every analyst is picking Oregon for the upset, there’s probably a reason. Do not pick Oklahoma State out of conference loyalty. Beyond that, don’t spite pick them to make a Elite Eight. Literally every analyst picked this Ducks team to make the Sweet Sixteen. There’s clearly a reason. These people know more than you. I think the part of this that pisses me off more than anything is that I was convinced that the Pac-12 was weak this year. In fact, I think I picked only Arizona to push on to the second round. I really hate that conference. However, they made me look like a fucking idiot for picking against all of their schools. God, I hate picking games. New Mexico seemed like a solid pick to make a Sweet Sixteen. Of course, Harvard had other ideas there. Even though they stripped my bracket of a 30 points, I love that Harvard is moving on2.
Outside of Harvard, which was probably best storyline coming out of yesterday, I found the games compelling, but the games were more or less as expected. I think the incredible finish to the St. Mary’s game was the best part of the day for me. I had the Gaels keyed in for the upset and throughout the game, I vasicallted between believing in what I’d done and being convinced that I’m an idiot. Actually, that’s pretty much every minute during the first 48 hours of the tourney. Anyway, I was watching that one completely alone in my apartment and my god if I wasn’t standing up, chanting at the tail end. I even found my Virgin Mary bodega candle, believing that thing would actually bring the Gaels a slice of luck.
Imagine my surprise at the end when, down five, they got a miracle off-angle three to fall off glass. Then, on the in-bounds were able to knock the ball off Memphis and out of bounds. I stood there, unable to scream because my jaw was so firmly planted on the floor. St. Mary’s in bounded the ball, not needing a three, just a two to tie. And Dellavedova threw up the miracle shot. And it was wide by like five feet. For the first time all day, I felt comepletly deflated.
I wanted that shot to fall, if only to make me look like a genius picking against an up-and-down Memphis team that seems to be coasting on past glory. Oh, well.
Two other thoughts before I stop typing this shit to watch this Duke game: Gonzaga did not inspire confidence in their near upset loss to Southern. Credit where credit’s due. Southern played with so much heart passion and ability that I thought they could take the game3. I’m not one to blame refs, but I do feel like they influenced the game at the tail end. Just like Syracuse getting some crazy bullshit calls last year in their opening game, Southern got nothing down the stretch, including a pretty clear wrap up that resembled a linebacker tackle in the middle more than a basketball move. Of course, that no call led to a Southern turnover and Gonzaga fastbreak and that put the game basically out of Southern’s hands. Total bummer since I would have loved to tank my bracket in favor of the improbable actually happening.
VCU is fucking freightening. I think Shaka Smart is a smug asshole, but Jesus, did you see that team yesterday? They were like watching someone chuck live chainsaws into a maternity ward. There are probably still pieces of the Zips being scraped up off the floor in Auburn Hills. There’s no way Michigan is able to win against this Rams sqaud, but that isn’t going to stop me from rooting as hard as I possibly can for them to pull off a fucking miracle.
Jesus, we’re totally losing in the Sweet Sixteen. Why did I curse us by making that prediction at the beginning of the season?
FOOTNOTES
1 – It should be pretty obvious, but I’m getting shellacked in pretty much every bracket pool right now. It’s possible that I’m being conservative when I say this, but I watched in the neighborhood of 150-175 hours of college hoops this year. That’s a lot. More than a month of a 40-hour work week. Given that I’m tied for 21st in God’s Gift to Bracket Pools, I feel there’s pretty clear evidence that there’s no correlation between the time spent watching this shit and success in predicting the tournament. Back
2 – Which I’m going to enjoy for the next 24ish hours before the Crimson play Arizona, get waxed and allow the loathsome Bear Downs to make an Elite Eight. Ugh. I hate living in a world where any Pac-12 team has a chance of making anything out of their season other than tears and disappointment. Back
3 – Going into the tourney, I thought if there was going to be a year where a 1/16 upset actually happened, this was the year. I think Southern was as close as we’re going to get of that happening for at least five years. Back
Filed under: Life During Wartime | Tags: Bo Ryan, Doug Gottlieb, ESPN, FedEx, Greg Gumbel, Little Miss Sunshine, Oklahoma State, Zubaz
Before we get busy with my thoughts on the weekend’s action, let me offer you a chance to join my bracket pool. Have you ever read my shit and thought “Dude knows nothing of the game?” Well, now’s your chance to take me on head to head, as well as some of the people who get namechecked around these parts. There’s no money, only glory. And maybe a chance for you to have a guest piece where you get to make fun of me for watching so much college ball it might be unhealthy, yet suck ass at bracket picking. Want in on the action? Hit it up and get in to it here.
“You think that’s funny, Rodney, what about the time I dismantled Iowa State so bad that some fat moleman tried to kill Toupee? Yeah, good times.”
It goes without saying that the Ex-Pats and I were pretty amped about the way God’s Team went into Kansas City and made the Big XII X XII Tournament our bitch. Every game was interesting, for a half, before we decided to completely numb our opponents before disecting them. Hell, even the Zubaz inspired unis weren’t the eye-fucking nightmare we all feared they’d be1. On top of that, our foes couldn’t have gone any better, save for somehow meeting up with TCU in the second round. Sure, the Oklahoma State loss was like getting punched in the dick, then punched again while you’re trying to piss blood to make the pain go away2, but we’d already had it out with them. I wanted blood and the only thing standing in our way from getting to the real meat of the tourney was a woeful Texas Tech team3.
While at work, debating whether or not I should fake an injury to slip out to a bar and catch the game, I decided that no one would believe that I got a high ankle sprain calculating advertising costs, so I elected to pop in the old earbuds and watch the game. I suppose the universe didn’t dig on that too much, since my phone only gave me the audio. No matter, I would just listen to a completely lethargic sounding first half. Imagine my surprise when we came out in the second and scored a commanding 57 points. I felt like, knowing that Iowa State was waiting for us, we had reason to be hopeful that we were at least imbued with confidence.
That’s right, we got the motherfucking hardware.
Friday night came and we met up at Standings for the Iowa State game. Naturally, there was a ton of feelings around this one, seeing as how they’d kind of been hosed in our second meeting and our first was such a crazy stressful affair. If you’d said “One of God’s Warriors is going to decapitate Hoiberg then dunk his head while posterizing Korie Lucious” I probably wouldn’t have guessed Perry DANGER Ellis4. St. Benji McDunks, absolutely. The Prophet, no doubt. Swashbuckler, he’s got it in him. Fuck, man, even Tharpapalooza seemed like a prime candidate for popping off5. I never would have guessed Ellis, only because I didn’t think he had the confidence quite yet to knock down 23 and make the Snor-clones understand that, while they might be decent this year, they’re a damn site from even approaching us. Also, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything quite as crazy as the barely-a-taunt technical, Toupee looking like he was trying to scream his way through the back of the ref’s head, before finally getting T’d up himself. Apparently, even Doomsday’s baller-ass suit was no match for the fury and Tyler couldn’t even figure out a way to calm down the crazed chipmunk. Next time, Tyler, don’t lead with “I totally wrecked mom’s car on the way to the game tonight.”
Which brings us to Saturday night and a showdown with Sexual Frustration. Yes, the Sexual Frustration that tried to trick the world into thinking that sharing a title with us put us on the same level. Nope. I think it just speaks to our bad luck and how the rest of the league, while good, is substantially worse than we are. Think about it. We were destined to lose a game, probably that Oklahoma State game. Give us back that TCU loss, though? Outright title. If we’d taken care of Oklahoma, there would have been no doubt. So, despite sharing our ninth regular season title with little cousin, we went into the title game ready to take care of business. Put that shit to bed, once and for all. You know, after the first half ended.
Granted, we managed to keep K-State to their lowest first half total in an insanely long time6, but we also didn’t look like the world beaters that we’d shown ourselves to be for stretches of the season. Again, that’s when the second half happened. We worked K-State up and down the floor, making sure they knew who owns the Big XII X XII and who will always be the second banana. If anyone else wants to regulate, they have to go through us. Regular season and conference tournament, it doesn’t matter.
We run this fucking conference.
I don’t care that he’s gone at the end of the year. Dude’s a Jayhawk for Life.
Which brought us to Selection Sunday, the Ash Wednesday to the three-week Lent of the tournament, where I watched the ACC Title game while talking to my mom. Strangely, she seemed somewhat resolved to Benedict Williams’ squad collapsing7 Then, I suffered through a Big Ten title game that was about as thrilling as watching paint dry8. And after 40 minutes of Greg Gumbel interviewing coaches like he was trying out for the most boring sportscaster ever9, we were there. We sat on the edge of our seats, knowing that we’d done every thing we could to that point. Maybe we could have won that TCU game. Maybe we could have also won that OU game. But at that point, it didn’t matter anymore. Everything was in the hands of the selection comittee.
And they gave us a fucking number one seed. Great. Now, I have the anxiety of knowing that anything short of a championship is going to be perceived as choking and failure by the general public. Wonderful.
And here I thought March was going to be a relaxing month for me10.
FOOTNOTES
1 – I agree with most people I’ve talked about them with, the home whites didn’t look nearly as awful as the shit show road uniforms unveiled by Adidas. Of course, the flipside is that Jane was so inspired by the look that she decided to buy a pair of Zubaz shorts for me to wear this tournament season. At least that’s what she told me anyway. I was told by FedEx they should have been delivered and, to date, I have yet to see them. Back
2 – I’m no doctor, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t help. Just chalk that one up to the youthful exuberance I’m finally getting around to having following a long weekend spent drinking beers, high fiving, and screaming at other people’s TVs. Needless to say, I was a little drained all day yesterday. I wanted to write the intro to this piece as a piece for yesterday, but I literally couldn’t get off the couch. In direct contrast to that youthful exuberance comment, I’m totally old balls. Back
3 – One that made one prudent decision and one not so prudent decision when it elected to drop all of the team’s staff, but retain the head coach. I’ll let you guess which one of these moves was the smart one. Back
4 – Josh, no idea if you took that from someone, but I’m using it. Consider it a reward for sticking around through all the good times, bad times, and times I kind of spent too many hours half-asleep on the couch to actually bring anything approaching the level of content you’re used to. Back
5 – Granted, Tharpapalooza popping off would have probably been somewhere more in the neighborhood of 15 points, 8 assists, and 5 steals, but you get the idea. Back
6 – ESPN threw up a stat at one point about how long it had been since Sexual Frustration had scored so poorly in the first half. I do remember that. The actual stat is lost to the ether. Back
7 – I’m pretty sure talking to me helped. I was able to distract her with snarky comments on Roy’s sport coat, which looked like something Bobby Knight would have rocked in the 1970s while chucking chairs up and down the court. The only thing weirder than the coat was the fact that Roy seemed to be wearing one of Wanda’s lucky shamrock earrings in his boutonnière. Look it up, I’m telling the honest truth. Back
8 – Except for Bo Ryan’s halftime interview with ESPN’s sideline reporter. He essentially went out of his way to try and make Greg Poppovich look like the head monk at the Abbey of Saint Greg Kinnear from Little Miss Sunshine. “They made a lot of shots, so…” What a fucking asshole wonderful moment in sports and proves why athletic competition is the only form of reality television. Back
9 – Not to take away from Doug Gottlieb’s attempt to be the biggest prick on national TV. Throughout the day, he argued his points with such vehemence that he would let the other white guy or Kenny Smith get a fucking word in edgewise. When they were arguing number one seeds, you’d think that these two guys had Eiffel Towered his mom or something he was so pissy with them. Then, he capped that performance by proving his “cupcake schedule” point by taking a huge bite of a cupcake…on TV…and talking through it. Needless to say, my southern grandparents died form the site of a well-dressed man talking with his mouth full of food. Never change, Doug. Never change. Unless you’re talking about the possibility of VCU taking on KU in the tournament. In which case, feel free to stop lording that loss over us because you played for OSU and you still hate God’s Team. It’s really okay. I’ll take all the success in place of you wearing your shorts backwards one time. Back
10 – Seriously. I thought we’d end up like a three seed and we’d be able to graciously bow out in the Sweet Sixteen. Obviously, I want us to win every tournament, but I’m also realistic about these things. The thing that actually bugs me more than not winning every year is that, if you don’t win every year, everyone goes bananas for the upset (even if we’re an underacheiving team that year, since most people don’t watch as much hoops as I do) and, when next season rolls around, you’re unfairly labeled choke artists for the fact that you didn’t destroy a team that was completely unstoppable from distance. Seriously. Ugh. Welcome to March. Back
Filed under: Preview | Tags: Baylor, Big 12 Conference, Jay Bilas, kansas, Kansas State University, Kevin Garnett, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State
Is it that far fetched that tonight I could be ordering this shirt? Am I perhaps putting the cart before the horse?
This is it, chummies and chummettes. We’ve come so far since that first game in mid-November. Hell, I can’t believe that the regular season is already over and we’re looking at the final game tonight. Where did the time go? I feel like there should be another five games. Fuck it, there should be another ten games. I wish the season would last forever. And what a season it’s been so far1. We started the season playing some of the best ball I’ve ever seen, then we played some of the worst. And that’s before we get to the skid. We managed to win a shit ton of games in a row, despite the fact that we never seemed, in conference, to look like the world-beaters we were for huge chunks of the non-conference and we still managed to win a ton of games. Then, of course, we lost three straight, one that I’m okay with and two others that defied everything I believe about my favorite team.
Then, shockingly we not only came out of that slump but managed to look like we knew how to play hoops. And we looked like we were having fun doing it. The last two games, we’ve looked absolutely astounding as we tore apart Texas, TCU, WVU, and finally Tech. This is a team that I have more faith in than I did a month ago.
So, on this last day of the regular season, we’re still locked in a battle for our 9ISASI92. Doubtless some of you are reading this between the K-State/OSU game and our game at Baylor. Maybe you know what we’re looking at, in terms of what kind of work we have to do today. But I’m writing this prior to that. As it stands right now, K-State is still tied with us for a share of the title. Their match-up with Oklahoma State is important for both teams. K-State is playing for at least a share of the title. Oklahoma State is playing for staying in third place and not ending up tied with Oklahoma (who need a win to force that issue). Both of these teams have been fun to watch, which is great that it’s the appetizer for a day of Big XII X XII action.
And that leaves us. We have to play Baylor. Right now, I would take any team other than Baylor. We have pretty much everything to lose and Baylor has everything to gain. We couldn’t be in a tighter spot.
Luckily, we’re fucking Kansas. I think we’ve got this one3.
Official Name: Baylor University
Nickname: Da Bears
Derisive Nickname: Da Cubs4
Thank god I’ll never have to see this human shitstain again. What? He’s a junior? Who is this guy? Keiton FUCKING Page?
Signature Win: They followed their loss to God’s Team up immediately with one of their weird mid-season D-II games. Naturally, they cruised to a 107-38 massacre that more resembles an old-school Globetrotter beatdown of the Generals than a serious college hoops game. Trust me, it’s taking all my willpower not to make that their signature win in the interim since we last met. However, I’m a man of scrupples and I wouldn’t want to impune the good names of any player on…HSIM…what the fuck does that even mean? ESPN, you can’t even tell me the team name? Ah, here we go Hardin-Simmins. I guess the Topeka YMCA was booked that day. Since we played them early in conference play, they’ve beaten WVU (twice) and Texas Tech once. However, easily their biggest win was a ten point edging at home over Oklahoma State. Technically, OSU was slumping at the time, but still a win over a tournament bound bad ass is nothing to sneeze at. The fact that they were able to push OSU to an OT in a game they ultimately lost, shows me that beating the Cowboys wasn’t an aberation. Maybe they’re just well suited to play each other, but I’m going to give the benifit of the doubt to the Cubbies in this case.
Key Players: Easy question: Pierre Jackson and Isaiah Austin. Pierre Jackson’s an interesting case because I can’t help but wonder if he wouldn’t have been one of the studs of the conference had he managed to get to Baylor straight out of high school instead of spending time in junior college. Would playing against the likes of Collins/Taylor for two extra years have made him considerably better? I think yes. While his assists per game only jumped up one a game, his points jumped just over five per game. Sure, he probably wouldn’t have been averaging 13.1 his Freshman campaign, but I feel like he’d be rated way higher if he’d had three years of solid service on Baylor. As it stands, he’s their most prolific scorer, the kind of guy you’re perpetually worried about lighting you up in a do-or-die game. I wouldn’t be surprised if he manages to have a career game in his Senior Night and go out of his way to will Baylor to the tournament.
Like a rubber band man. He’s in equal measure creepy and eye-catching.
Isaiah Austin is Baylor’s Freshman center. If you don’t recognize the name, you’ll recognize the player. Dude looks like some kind of crazy scarecrow rocking Rec Specs. He’s having a very, very solid frosh season, complimenting his 13.7 PPG with 8.3 boards. Some of those numbers might be inflated by the fact that he’s about 14 feet tall with a wingspan that give Jay Bilas an erection they can see in space. Dude’s weird as fuck. When he’s on the court you cannot look away from him. He’s like a mute Kevin Garnett and he has the game to match that comparison. While he finishes at the rim often, I’ve also seen him jack up 18 footers that go in, despite the fact that he’s got about the worst possible angle on the rim. I mean in terms of how high he must be releasing the fucking rock, not how he squares up to the basket5. Hopefully, I didn’t break the glass for you all here. Now that you’re keyed in on Austin, you might not be able to turn away.
Keys to Victory: I don’t feel like Baylor matches up particularly well with us. That’s not to say that we’re just going to roll over them in this one at all. I just think if we’re playing with the intensity and fun that we’ve been playing since the skid, I feel like there’s no way Baylor can hang with us. They might be keyed up for their own Senior Night, so we need to stay focused, weather any runs they throw at us and just play like we’ve been playing. If everyone knows their role and keeps to what they do best, I think we’re ruining Senior Night in Waco. Also, it should be noted that I might care about where K-State ends up after their early afternoon game on Saturday, but I don’t think we will. Toupee has shown for years now that he accepts nothing short of domination from his teams and this year is no different. We don’t have a game up on K-State with which to rest. If they lose, we still have to win to take the conference title outright. Maybe we don’t care about that since we still own the tiebreaker over K-State, but I don’t think that’s Self’s MO. Expect us to still play like everything depends on it.
Completely Mathematically Accurate Projection (Backed Up By Science)6: Baylor 54, Kansas 72
FOOTNOTES
1 – Yeah, I know that I talked about the weird feeling I have going into this post-season, as if the whole thing is already over and I’m getting misty eyed thinking about what could have been. I don’t know…something about this season has caused me to be more introspective or some shit. It’s weird, I know. Just know that I really feel like there’s something weird about the end of this particular season. The only way I can describe it is that we’re on Deal or No Deal and we don’t get to winnow the suitcases down. I’ll take suitcase number 28, I suppose. Back
2 – Hit me up, Adidas. We can make these shirts happen. My creative genius is cheap. Seriously, guys. Give me a call. It can’t be any worse than the Zubaz. Back
3 – I think, he said with a fade in his voice. Just rub the championship floorboard…just rub it…you’ve got the magic in you, when it comes around something and something…the magic to win that title… Back
4 – Given their record in their last eleven games (3-8), they’re playing far more like the North Siders than the Monsters of the Midway. I would love for us to push six teams into the tournament, but I don’t see how, short of Baylor beating us and managing to backdoor their way into at least the conference tourney title game, I don’t know how the hell they would get into the dance based on the last two months. Stranger things have happened, but I don’t see them making it the way they are right now. Back
5 – I’m more than fascinated by this kid. He’s a fucking freak of nature. During our first game with Da Cubbies, the announcers were saying that he was getting some draft buzz. I don’t doubt that there are teams interested in a guy like that. I’m not kidding when I said that he has a game that seems modeled on Garnett (not that he’s anywhere near Garnett, just that they’re both ridonkulously tall and drill 18 footers). I just don’t know what NBA team would want to take a guy who is that tall and weighs as much as Steph Curry did when he played at Davidson. What am I talking about? There are probably 15 GMs stroking Bilas’ boner right now, mumbling “wingspan…who needs muscle?” Back
6 – Nope, not. At. All. Back
Filed under: Preview | Tags: Brandon Rush, Darrell Arthur, Kansas State University, Memphis, National Basketball Association, NBA, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State
Don’t worry, Soothsayer of the Faithful. It’s not going to be that bad. Please tell me it won’t be that bad. I do NOT appreciate your silence.
Last night, I watched the Grizzlies/Thunder game on TNT and was struck by just how good Darrell Arthur looks in the NBA. The man is a fucking beast. In the first quarter, he received a pass on the wing and stormed his way to the basket, making a crazy athletic layup as he sailed out of bounds. Everything about it was fluid, graceful, and, most of all dominant. Between watching him in this game and talking about how I had about the biggest man-crush on Brandon Rush, I was struck by something about that phenomenal 2007-08 vintage: we were fucking incredible. Everything about that team was built not just to win, but contend for the title1.
Watching Arthur made me nostalgic for that team. First, we ripped off an incredible 20-0 run to start the season, then continued to crush pretty much every foe in our path, up to and including Memphis. All throughout, we played damn good ball. Even though we ended up losing three on the season (K-State, Texas, and Oklahoma State), that first stretch and our impressive post-season run had a totally different vibe from pretty much every season since. I distinctly remember watching every game expecting to win. I didn’t feel that nagging sense of doom that so often accompanies my grind through a season. Even though I never thought we’d win the tournament that year, I also didn’t feel like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop2.
I definitely felt that sense of impending doom more acutely last season, when we had to go to Ames to play a frisky Cyclones team. I can’t explain it, but I just felt like we were going to lose that game. I was vindicated, unfortunately. Which is why I’m starting to get nervous about this Oklahoma State game. The way we’ve played in the last eight games, I don’t feel confident in our offense to make up for a team that gets hot. More than that, I always fear Oklahoma State for the fact that Toupee has always had trouble playing at his alma mater. With our team unable to produce consistently on the offensive side and OSU (in my opinion, anyway) being better than their record suggests, I’m starting to worry about getting upset at home. I’m not quite to the level of anxiety I was at leading up to Iowa State last year, but there are a lot of things working against us going into this one.
Can Toupee get our offense firing and blow OSU out of the building? Is this going to be another slugfest where we crush on the defense, miss a slew of shots, and manage to win by eight? Will Marcus Smart go straight for the chest piece, holding our still-beating hearts up at center court while screaming “Are you not entertained?” Will this be the game where we snap out of our funk? Or will this be the wake up call we need to remind us that sleepwalking through games is no way to fucking hoop?
I don’t know3.
Official Name: Oklahoma State University
Nickname: Cowboys
Derisive Nickname: T-Bones4
Signature Win: Hands down toppling an NC State team I’m basically penciling in to make another Sweet Sixteen5 by 20 points. If that’s not a solid win, I don’t know what is. I’ve watched about five NC State games so far this season, including the Jimmie V Classic game against UConn, and they’re impressive. Between Howell, Leslie, and Brown, the team’s a force in a garbage ACC6 that has at least two draft picks (Howell and Leslie) who play like they’re ready to go pro. Given OSU’s struggles, that’s an impressive win if you ask me. I mean, christ, twenty points. Of course, this is also a team that lost by nine to an Oklahoma team whose record makes them look less inept than they are in reality.
Maybe the Soothsayer was hiding from Smart’s crazy mohawk. That’s what I’m telling myself, just to feel better.
Key Players: The T-Bones are, on paper, a legitimately scary team, boasting what I’d consider two-tiers of excellent players. First tier, is the Brown-Smart combo. Between the two of them, they’re averaging over 28 points on the year. Brown’s the most impressive since I barely remember him from the last couple of season, but he’s a junior and he’s pretty efficient in his scoring (44.2%, which isn’t great, but he’s also a decent deep threat, hitting 34.7% on the year). While Brown’s scoring’s impressive, Smart has to be the most impressive Cowboy, chipping in 13.6 PPG on 41.9% shooting. Throw in the fact that he’s also hitting open guys for 4.6 assists per game and he’s a guy I’m legitimately scared to face tomorrow.
The second tier of guys is the much loved Le’Bryan Nash and Phil Forte, both scoring in double figures, along with Jurick, who rips down 7.5 boards per contest. Seriously. This team has four guys averaging in double figures. Granted, none of them are blowing it out, per se, but that’s a pretty impressive distribution of shots. On top of that, the T-Bones might be the best team we’ve faced, percentage wise, since they hit 44.3% from the field. Will we be able to shave that down to our season average of 37%? Or will they unlock our defense just enough to kill that streak7?
Keys to Victory: Allow me a moment of subtly don’t suck on offense. Not subtle enough? Don’t fucking dick around on offense, move the ball around, and, above all else, don’t fucking suck on offense. I have no fear that our defense will, at the very least, disrupt what the T-Bones do on offense. However, we will have to play flawlessly in order to make sure that our offensive mediocrity doesn’t bite us in the ass. I keep hoping that our boys will go out and give the Faithful one of our patented annihilation games, but I’m starting to think that’s never going to happen again. Especially against this team. As long as we take care of the defensive side of the game, we should be okay. Right? Right?! RIGHT?!
Completely Mathematically Accurate Projection (Backed Up By Science)8: Oklahoma State 71, Kansas 74
FOOTNOTES
1 – Which was fortunate since we, you know, won it all. Seriously, though, think about that team. We were stacked with NBA talent. What’s interesting, in hindsight, was how ballyhooed that Final Four was. If you look at the teams (us, UNC, Memphis, UCLA), there were tons of incredible players in those three games. I remember, when we made the final against Memphis, thinking I was watching the greatest collection of NBA-caliber talent in any tournament ever. Which ended up being mostly true when you consider the fact that we have four guys in the league (Rush, Chalmers, Arthur, Aldrich) and, until CD-R was waived by the Mavs, Memphis had two (Rose, Douglas-Roberts). Back
2 – Yeah, yeah…I know what anyone who roots for the vast majority of teams is thinking: “At least you win all the time.” To that, I’d counter that, for the savvy and overly invested fan, there’s always an unshakeable sense that you’re doomed to never win the tournament. Because it’s one of the hardest gauntlets to run through. Plus, there’s the narrative of the scrappy underdog coming out of nowhere to knock off some of the blue bloods. Look, I’m happy for anyone to have even a taste of the glory, but I also hate being on the receiving end of an upset. How hard is it to go to ESPN.com and see the snarky headlines. What I’m getting at, VCU fans, try to imagine it from the other side. Also, fuck you for 2011. Back
3 – There’s a distinctly different confusion to this year’s team compared to last year’s. Last year, I couldn’t believe we were winning so many games despite the fact that I thought we were not just one-dimensional, but also led by a maniac who was at turns thrilling and exasperating. Oh, and we had practically not shooters, as evidenced by the fact that Teahan was our deep threat…off the bench…and he was kind of like Brady Morningstar crossed with Tyrell Reed if they had no hands.Last year, we were winning because, as I described it, we were essentially a Rube Goldberg machine of broken plays that was winning because we had Robinson and gumption. This year’s team is a totally different animal. After showing all those flashes of brilliance, we seem to be winning more so because we’re incapable of losing than anything else. Needless to say, it’s been a weird two-year stretch for me. Back
4 – So named because 1.) there are actually teams named that in the world (specifically, KC), 2.) I’ve always thought it was a busted name for a franchise, 3.) it’s almost OSU’s biggest benefactor’s name and anytime you can rub it in an opponent’s face that all the money is a certain man’s bank account couldn’t lure a certain coach away from a certain university, you have to take that pot shot. Just saying. Back
5 – My mom’s probably rolling her eyes right now. Mom, I’m sorry Benedict Williams is trying his best to force every UNC fan over the age of 50 to die of disappointment, but NC State’s a solid squad. Side note: nothing was quite as fun as seeing all the Wolfpack fans at MSG in the Jimmie V Classic proudly wearing their Sweet Sixteen shirts. All I could think was “That’s cute…good thing I’ve seen enough Sweet Sixteens that I don’t have to buy shirts for that.” Back
6 – A shame that Duke and UNC fans will poo-poo State’s sure-to-be great season because the ACC’s a joke this season. I mean, how good can the conference be if fucking Virginia is in the mix to take the regular season title? Virginia! Have they been good since Ralph Sampson? Back
7 – I don’t think I can stress this enough: tomorrow’s game scares the shit out of me. Fuck, man, I was scared just from a narrative standpoint, then I looked at their scoring. Not the most efficient team ever, but they are scoring 71 PPG. I fear for us if they score that many on us, since we’ve been struggling to get to that plateau ourselves as of late. Back
8 – At this point in the season, I can’t even remember why I thought the recurring footnote would be a good idea, let alone trying to pick our scores. It’s like playing a bi-weekly, never ending game of Russian Roulette. In related news, I enjoy torturing myself. Back
Filed under: Recap | Tags: Bill Self, Fran Fraschilla, kansas, Oklahoma State, Super Bowl, Toupee, West Virginia
Ugh. I really don’t know what to say about this team anymore. After looking like world beaters for most of the preconference schedule, we’ve cooled off. Well, cooled off might be generous. We’ve looked like complete crap for the last couple of games. There hasn’t been anything noteworthy about the last five or six, save for the fact that we’re some how managing to win and, even more staggering, managing to end games with like 50% shooting despite the fact that the way we shoot, you’d think we were trying to build the Iron Man suit and get out of that terrorist cave.
What I’m watching isn’t thrilling or exciting. Nothing makes me pumped and run those dizzy little circles like I did during the Iowa State game. On top of that, none of these games is the blood bath that we’ve grown so accustomed to. You know, the game where you stop paying attention to the score and start to make side wagers with your buddies at the bar about who is going to throw down the most impressive transition dunk. No, we’re being treated to a whole bunch of slop and asked to continue to love this team despite the fact that we’re uninspiring while still managing to have a 17 game win streak.
This doesn’t make me feel at all comfortable about our chances going forward. But that’s the future. Let’s talk the past.
Final Score: Kansas 61, West Virginia 56
The Good: Aside from the obvious that we won, there’s the fact that we managed to hit 554.1% from the field even though I’m pretty sure I counted about 50 misses. Perhaps the scorer’s table was being generous and calling those errant passes? Who knows? The point is that we’ve moved beyond that whole concept of “winning ugly” and straight into the concept of not really deserving to win because we couldn’t string together 30 minutes, let alone 40, of good ball. Evidence: it took upwards of seven minutes for the ‘Billies to hit a field goal. In a regular offensive year for the ‘Hawks, we would have taken advantage of that, grabbing West Virginia’s sternums, ripping their hearts out and eating them in front of their families. We’re no longer a team that can blaze out to a 20 point margin and never look back.
I keep hoping that team will come back. Maybe it’s just a matter of a bad loss coupled with one of those coming out for the team games. Think Iowa State (tough loss) and the Oklahoma State game with the ’52 throwbacks (where we manhandled the Cowboys end to end which pretty much set the stage for our miracle run to the title game). Speaking of uniforms…
The Bad: Maybe those things looked good in person, but on my TV, it made our guys like like Hawksper the Friendly Boo-Berry Ghost. Seriously. If it weren’t for the fact that I have a compulsory need to watch every single second of every single game, I would have had no clue who those guys on the court repping KU were. I’ll concede that our Adidas Bleed Outs are better than Baylor’s, but that’s not saying much. I love our regular road blues and enjoy the reds once or twice a year. I just don’t think I can get behind those uniforms.
Also unenjoyable last night, in no particular order: Musberger not slobbering all over a young co-ed (not that WVa would offer all that many options), Fran Fraschilla talking about his son for about five minutes, both of them talking about the Super Bowl (Brent, we get it, you’re a degenerate gambler), Huggy Bear reverting back to track suits (because the other WVU games I’ve seen this year, dude was rocking a suit like he was a semi-connected goomba on vacay in Boca), WatchESPN not connecting this morning for me (because, Josh, I totally would have gotten a screengrab of that fat dude decked out in cracking body paint, wig and desperation), and having to watch a team that looked like they wanted to be anywhere else last night…which they might have, honestly.
Withering Bill Self Quote of the Night: Never one to back away from our team’s foibles, Toupee offered two gems on this one:
“The second half we just kind of pieced it together. Our defense needed to be good because we didn’t score, either. I thought defensively we did a pretty good job.”
and:
“Our guard play has got to get better. Teams that pressure us, we’ve kind of thrown it around of late. I thought we did some good things but we made some bonehead plays.”
That second one’s a classic. Toupee likes to flip-flop midsentence like he’s running for office or something.
JCTD Award: I refuse to give this award to anyone again until someone plays at least 20 minutes of impressive hoops. Brace yourselves, it could be a long time before that happens.
Looking Ahead: We return to the Fieldhouse for a tussle with Oklahoma State, a team that has something to prove. Toupee’s struggles in Stillwater are well known, but could this be the game where we turn it around? Could we actually come out, feeling like we’re not playing our absolute best and annihilate these punks? Is it too much to ask for a 20-plus point victory? As much as I’d like to see all these things happen, it might actually be better for us to lose. Not that I want us to lose ever. Just maybe that would be the moment where we look in the mirror, realize we can’t coast on reputation and decide to torch anyone and everyone in the conference.
Long Distance Jayhawk 